Israel | 9 Months

So...the last time I posted one of Israel's monthly updates was when he was 3 months old. Ahem. The good news is I was still taking photos that entire time. Which is actually kind of a shocker. Also, you'll notice a little bit of a background change in his photos. Yeah, I owe you some serious updates because we moved. In August. And all sorts of things have changed. Blogger fail. Anyway...back to my handsome boy! He grows. A lot. He is at the top of the charts and we still can't get over it. After having a child that had such a hard time growing, this is a welcome change. He sits up, scoots, and is trying SO hard to crawl. He loves to stand and jump with our help. He has slowly started solid foods and is just now truly eating. We gave him a little at 7 months, but his tummy just wasn't up for it so we waited until now and he is feeding himself like a champ. I am so glad we were so relaxed about solids this time around. I stressed way too much. Now we are just watching his needs.

Let me tell you. The boy LOVES his food. He is a food monster. Favorite foods: banana, carrots, sweet potatoes, avocado, ground beef, lentils, bone broth, rice cake, peas, and really anything he can get his hands on. I haven't found anything he doesn't like as of yet. He has been drinking of a straw and an open cup since he was six months. I'm still shocked at how he picked up on it the first time we handed him a straw and a cup. Crazy boy.

Israel is the most laid back baby. He has a personality, that is for sure, but he is happy and relaxed always. Seriously, we just whisk him away anywhere and he will adjust so easily. We are loving it. Now don't be fooled...when he has something on his mind HE WILL TELL YOU. He truly is a carbon copy of his daddy. So very relaxed, but will speak up as needed. And that boy? He is a chatter. He loves to babble. He has had his fair share of sicknesses lately and drama. Right when we first moved to our new town he had his elbow dislocated (nursemaids elbow) by his sister. Poor girl was just trying to help him roll back over. Worst moment. Thankfully the doctor got him all situated and he was back to his happy self immediately. He also had a severe case of croup not too long ago. That was no fun. The boy couldn't breathe. Literally. So thankful for pediatricians who let you call them all hours of the night.

Israel John, I thank God every day for you. I can't get over how perfect of an addition to our family you are. We all love you so much. I'm so thankful for the bond that we have. I'm already loving the moments we have crashing all of your toy trucks. Still working through the getting dirty part, but I'll come around. You are a blessing to our lives sweet boy!!

Israel's Birth Story

Written March 28, 2013 (my actual due date)

It is hard to believe how quickly time is moving. As I start writing this exactly one week after Israel was born, I realize that time is going to fly (even though sitting here on bed rest makes it feel sooooo long). This birth experience did not end in trauma (THANK YOU JESUS!) and I really am looking back at it with a smile on my face. Surgery is no joke. Seriously, I sat here with the mindset that PLANNED C-sections weren't fun, but at least you didn't have to go through hours and hours of labor. Oh am I ever re-thinking that now. So, I shall now do my best to recap my much better experience with the birth of our second baby.

March 20, 2013 

Josh and I couldn't believe that the next morning we would be holding our baby boy in our arms. It felt so surreal. In fact, it almost didn't feel right. We walked around to each room making sure they were clean, organized a few more things, finished writing thank you cards, snuggled Eden extra tight, and did one final check to make sure our bags were ready to go. Every so often we would look at one another, a smile on our face, and say, "I just cannot believe the time is here." I had so many painful contractions (something I never had with Eden on my own) that we thought for sure this boy would not make it until the surgery date, but with lots of rest he stayed put. Now it was time to try to rest a bit before we welcomed Israel into the world.





 

March 21, 2013

12:45 a.m. - fell asleep after watching a couple episodes of Psych on Netflix in our bed.

2:45 a.m. - Eden and I wake up to the sound of a shower (my sister is a night owl) and Eden starts crying. Despite the fact that I had to sanitize our sheets in order to sleep in our bed due to the upcoming surgery, I took Eden to our room, and I went and snuggled in her bed (she kicks far too much for it to be safe for me to sleep in the same bed with her). I tried to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come. I laid there, praying, thinking about what our baby would look like, and wondering what being a mom to two would feel like.

4:30 a.m. - I've given up on sleep at this point and wander down the hall to our living area. I sit at the table and write out a letter to Josh, Eden, and Israel. I worked on my last day of the Beth Moore study I had been doing. I read a few verses that were helping me to stay calm about the upcoming surgery. And I did everything I could to not look at the food that was sitting to my right since eating is a big no-no after midnight before your surgery. I took a shower. I put on makeup. I curled my hair. It didn't feel right that I was able to do all of these things just hours before meeting my baby.

6:45 a.m. - Josh and I said a final prayer together. We kissed our sleeping only child one last time. And then it was time. We carried our bags to the car and drove the five minute drive to the hospital.

7:00 a.m. - It is starting to hit me...that we are here to have a baby and that I will be having surgery in two hours. Thankfully I end up with the most amazing labor and delivery nurse, Haley, who felt like a friend and kept me from having any worries.

8:45 a.m. - It is just about go time. My IV site was KILLLLLING me. I do pretty well with needles, but IV's and I do not mix. It is always torture and I was looking at Josh saying, "if I can't handle the IV, how am I going to handle a surgery?!" He promised me the IV was way worse than anything else I would experience. I rolled my eyes. Nurses kept running in and out of the room shouting strange things that meant absolutely nothing to me. The anesthesiologist came in and gave me a rundown of how things would go and what to look out for in terms of side effects of the drugs. Then my doctor came in. Oh is she ever a welcome sight. She just has the best personality. She pretends that my weird jokes are funny (I tend to become quite the comedian when I am nervous) and she hugs me when she knows I am feeling a little nervous.  The room became too busy. I don't do well in those situations. On top of all of the surgery stuff, we actually were being filmed during the surgery as well...SURPRISE! Don't worry, we knew about it beforehand and had given our consent happily. However, this meant a whole lot more craziness. My doctor left to scrub up and Josh left to get into his scrubs. That's when it really hit. Pretty sure I went white and was breathing heavily. The nurses looked at me and checked to make sure I was doing okay. I just responded, "I changed my mind. As much as I want to meet this baby, how about we just let him stay inside, okay?" They said it was too late. Bummer.

9:10 a.m. - We were supposed to start at 9, but there were some complications with the filming. As they rolled me into the awfully sterile OR room my panic attack was setting in so strongly. HELLO...I was letting these people cut into me. Ummm, who willingly does this?! The spinal didn't hurt a bit and it hit me immediately. They helped me lay on that abnormally small table. Seriously you guys, that table is frightening, and I am extremely small. Immediately the panic that people warned me about washed over me. I HATED that I thought I could feel my legs and yet couldn't move them. It actually made me angry. The anesthesiologist asked me how I was doing and my response was, "I DO NOT LIKE MY LEGS!" He laughed and said, "you don't like your legs?" And I said, "Well...I do...well actually not really, but right now I do not like that I cannot do anything with them." He looked at me and said, "you like to have control don't you." That man knows me so well. Also, please note that this is all on film. AWESOME. A seriously fantastic nurse came to my side while they were still doing prep (Josh wasn't allowed in just yet) and let me squeeze her hand (dear Marcia, you were the angel God sent for me, I am sure of it). I was an absolute wreck. Finally, I remembered who truly was in control, closed my eyes, and started praying. Instant calm. Sadly the shakes came on strong and then I was annoyed all over again. Josh came in and took over for the poor nurse whose hand I had squeezed off. I remember thinking it was weird seeing him in that giant shower cap.

9:34 a.m.It didn't take long before they did this crazy elbow drop onto my stomach (seriously the force is unbelievable) and I start hearing exclamations about "there's the baby!" and "it is definitely a boy!" Super weird to sit there and hear all that, but see nothing. I kept thinking I was hearing things. Within seconds a very loud cry rang out in the room and all I could comment on was how proud I was of his lung capacity. Boys got some crazy good lungs. Josh and I both teared up immediately when we heard those angry screams. Now here comes the fun part, and the reason why we were filmed. Within minutes they had dried him off, pulled my gown down, and had him SKIN to SKIN with me (more on that later). Instant tears came to my eyes when I saw him. That was my boy. The one I had carried for nine months. The one who had bruised every rib and pushed on all of my leg nerves for months. The second I saw him, I knew he was mine. For the next 15 minutes or so (at this point I have no idea on timing) I got to hold my son while they did their surgical stuff. They had Josh and a nurse there ready to help in case I got sick (luckily I felt great). In fact, Israel even rooted around and scooted his little big body down to try to nurse right there on the operating table! Incredible. Right at the end I did have to have Josh hold onto him while he was laying on me because my shakes had gotten so bad, but wow was this experience amazing. As they were getting ready to finish up, it was time for them to take Israel and Josh into the adjoining room to get his weight and such. Soon after they were wheeling me into recovery where Josh and Israel were waiting. At this point I was exhausted, but so elated to have my baby boy with me. Seriously the love I felt for him was amazing. While in recovery I got to chew on ice (nope my love for ice hasn't disappeared AND the hospital had the world's best ice...WIN!), attempt to breastfeed, and snuggle my baby boy. I felt frustrated at my exhaustion since I wanted to hold him non-stop, but couldn't seem to do so for very long.

10:45 a.m. - Since we couldn't leave recovery until I could feel my legs, we asked if we could start having visitors. Eden was first and wow was it so great to see her. She was so excited to meet Israel and gave him kisses and hugs. She didn't quite like that we wouldn't let her hold him and that she had to leave me, but all in all it was just so fun to see our two kids together. My mom had come back too (I can't remember if my dad got to come back or not...he was super sick so it may have been later). Then Ruby and Kirsten got to come back. It was a quick visit and I was so sad it couldn't have been longer, but at the same time I wasn't much fun at that time anyway...I was very into my ice chewing.

11:00 a.m. - Time to move to my permanent residence...well at least the room I would occupy for the remainder of our stay. I didn't want my nurse to leave, she was amazing...but sadly she had to leave me in the care of the Mother Baby nurses (who were also great....but still). At this point I actually started to feel like myself. In fact, I felt pretty great. Still couldn't feel my legs which drove me crazy, but at least I was alert unlike last time. The rest of the day felt like a blur. Lots of pushing on my stomach, checking of vitals, visits from family and friends, and tons of snuggle time with my baby boy. Seriously the bonding happened so fast with him. With Eden, I was such a disaster that I never really got to hold her much and struggled with that bond. I loved her, but I just had trouble with feeling it. This time was so different. I was overwhelmed with how quickly I bonded to Israel. The birth experience definitely effects a lot and I am so very thankful for a doctor who cared enough about me to know what the right procedure was to ensure a safe delivery for both of us. I am so thankful for her. I knew she would tell me a c-section was the best way for a future baby to enter the world if we chose to have one when I met with her the first time, but I had so wanted a total natural birth experience. Thankfully she was great at helping me know my options and also helped me to realize WHY she was recommending surgery. She was right...it was the best thing for me and for our baby. I totally see that right now.

Also, can you believe I had a baby that was nearly EIGHT pounds?! Israel was two pounds and one inch bigger than Eden at birth...and they were both born at exactly 39 weeks. The nurses kept saying how they couldn't believe the difference. We had all assumed he was about a pound heavier, but no one guessed two. Josh and I both believe it was due to my nutrition levels. I am so much healthier now and know so much more about good nutrition. I had a few sad moments where I felt like I had failed Eden, but Josh kept reminding me that Eden is just fine and it is how I handle my nutritional knowledge now that counts. Good thing he is there to keep my head on straight!

So about the filming. A couple of months ago I approached my doctor about new c-section options that are more family centered. I had been doing my research just like always, and came across some new recommendations that make c-sections feel a little more like a "natural" birth. So many moms have mentioned to me how they didn't feel that bond with their baby and how hard it was to be alone in the OR when they had only seen their baby for a brief minute...let alone they weren't even allowed to hold their baby. My doctor knows I am crazy. I am very naturally minded and love to research, so I was always coming in with a new idea for her. I made Josh come with me to the appointment where I was going to "drop the bomb" on her regarding my latest requests. Surprisingly she not only agreed, but it turned out she was already working on changing things with our hospital. I was so happy! Because of these changes, they needed a couple that was willing to be filmed for training videos for other doctors. We had no trouble agreeing because we are such advocates for a more natural approach. The filming wasn't awkward at all and actually kind of made things more entertaining during surgery.

So, final thoughts. Surgery really is no joke. It wasn't painful like I thought it would be. In fact, I was on ibuprofen only until the very end of my hospital stay and then I added a bit stronger of medication as needed in order to help my recovery. Thankfully the nurses respected the fact that I only wanted medication when I was ready...they may not have always agreed with my choice, but actually I believe the reason I was able to get out earlier than they anticipated was because I did not take the extra medication. My body was able to heal itself naturally and that felt great. Also, I may have drank double my weight in water within the first day at the hospital. And that was WITH an IV....um oops. The actual surgery itself really wasn't that big of a deal, however, recovery hasn't been as fun. Because I feel a million times better than I did after nearly dying with Eden, it makes me want to get up and clean and be back to my normal routine. Sadly, that would be the opposite of what I should be doing. So I am doing my best (while failing miserably) at sitting on my rear all hours of the day. Getting up only to get Israel from his bassinet, change him, feed him, and put him back down. Oh and of course use the potty. It is so hard, but at the same time the pain reminds me that it is necessary. I'm ready to be back to my normal self though. No matter what, this experience was a million times better, even if both resulted in bed rest for me. I loudly proclaimed multiple times that I was glad this was the last baby I was having out of my body. Having Israel has shown me that I still LOVE newborns with all my heart, I NEVER want to go through pregnancy and delivery again, and that I most definitely want more kids. Yes, I realize I have only had two children for one week now, but Josh and I already know, without a doubt, that we are meant to have a big family. It is weird looking at Israel, knowing he is the last newborn in our house. So, because of that, he is getting extra snuggles and is spoiled beyond belief. That boy does not leave my side. I didn't know I needed a son, until he was placed in my arms one week ago. And wow, does God ever know what we need because Israel is the perfect addition to our family.

My heart is full. I am blessed.

 





 

 

 

Israel | 3 Months

This kid is a super grower. On top of that he is the sweetest baby. Honestly. We can't get over how much he has changed since we first brought him home from the hospital. Gone are the days of constant screaming. All he does is giggle, smile, and babble...all the day long. I LOVE THIS BOY! 

We don't have another check-up until he turns 4 months, but I did weigh him on our home scale and he is now in the 18 pound range. Yeah. That is 3 pounds more than last month. People keep telling me he can't grow at this rate forever, but I am starting to think they may not be right. YOU GUYS...how did a 5'0 girl make this baby?! I mean Josh isn't short, but he surely isn't that tall. Israel doesn't only weigh a lot, but he is also long. It is getting significantly harder to hold onto him. Ergo to the rescue this month! Here he is now..

And for funsies (new word...deal) let's take a walk down memory lane.

L to R: 1 week / 1 month / 2 months / 3 months

Israel,

My sweet sweet boy. To say mommy is obsessed with you would be such a very big understatement. I am absolutely smitten. I want to eat you up. You are taking over your mommy already in size. I thought I would have a LITTLE bit of time before you were taller than me, but my days are numbered. I have told you repeatedly that you are not allowed to look at any other girls besides your mommy, and that is final. Your days consist of chewing on your fist, sleeping on mommy in the Ergo, getting licked by Bella, watching your sister's crazy antics, screeching as loud as possible, babbling to anything that will listen, laughing at everything, and eating. Lots of eating. We have officially figured out that dairy and chocolate are not your thing. Which means they aren't mommy's thing either. The things I will do for you dear boy. You have started to want to be a big boy. Laying down is for babies. If you are in the bouncer you are just doing constant sit-ups. Dear child, please stop breaking my heart by growing so quickly. Your daddy and I LOVE this stage. You are so aware of everything and you make us feel hilarious with all of your belly laughs. You have been on so many adventures with us and we love that you just go along with anything.

Gus, you are an amazing son. Can't wait to see what this month brings!

Love,

Your crazy mom. 

Playing Catch Up

I have been terrible at keeping up with the latest events that have happened in our lives. So, this is my effort to fix that. We will see if I make it. Heads up I am just going straight from the iPhone...no big girl camera photos here.

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Mother's Day & Israel's Dedication

Our church does one big dedication on mother's day every year. I love this. It is such a special day and it is my favorite part about mother's day. Eden ended up coming to the front with us although she was already dedicated when she was a baby. I love that Josh and I are able to commit to raising our children up to love the Lord and have our whole church as witnesses to hold us accountable. We are surrounded by people who love and care for us and for our kids. It was also special having Israel's great grandma, my parents, and all of my siblings there as well. It meant so much to us.

After church we headed home for some food, gifts, and hang out time. It was a very nice and relaxing day!

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Washington

We headed up to visit the Crain side of the family for the first time since Israel was born. It was nice being able to show him off to family. Eden of course had a blast with the cousins. The three girls sure can fight, but do they ever love each other. We even attempted the kids first movie, but, ummmm...let's just say I don't want to repeat that for a very long time.

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Israel's first beach trip & Lola's birthday

This year for my mom's birthday she decided she wanted to take a trip to the beach. We headed over for the day and it was so much fun. This was the first year that Eden LOVED playing in the water. I mean she thought it was the greatest thing to ever happen to her. Right at the end she fell over into the ocean, but that didn't stop her from having fun. Next time I'll remember to bring an extra pair of panties for her...whoops.

Check out my brother. He has gotten so much more confident holding babies. So proud. And they get tired of me saying this...but won't my brother and sis-in-laws babies look so gorgeous?! I keep telling them they are robbing this world of beautiful children. Come on people. I kid I kid.

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Central Oregon + Wedding + Father's Day

Last weekend we got to head over to Central Oregon (I was recently informed calling it Eastern Oregon was incorrect). We fell in love immediately. The sun was shining, the mountains were gorgeous, and pretty much we were ready to move right over. And then I remembered that it snows. A lot. Snow ruins everything for me. I still have California sunshine in my veins. We stayed with my aunt and uncle and had an amazing time. We all have talked about it non-stop. Eden keeps asking when we get to go back to the big house and have fun. Pretty sure a yearly trip is now necessary. Now, the reason why were there was to witness two friends get married. Maggie and Jordan are like a glamour couple. They are just way too good looking for their own good. Maggie and I were best friends growing up and she was even a maid of honor in our wedding with my sister. Jordan went to college with us so that was a fun connection. Maggie was beautiful and Eden kept walking around calling her a princess. Oh and Eden? That girl. She reigned as dancing queen. Everyone was circled around our little diva while she danced her heart out until the very last song. We couldn't get her to leave! She's got some pretty great moves to Footloose if I may brag a bit.

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One more thing...

We didn't want to forget the sweet dog we rescued a few weeks back. The kids and I were driving up the hill towards our house when I saw a dog right in the middle of the road. Two other cars were approaching from the other direction. We all slowed expecting the dog to run away once it saw the cars. It didn't. In fact the dog just walked around in tight circles...stumbling as it went. My heart melted. This poor dog was obviously having some serious issues. All of us drivers just kept looking at the dog and each other shrugging. I kept hoping the other drivers would get out. The road we were on is narrow and with a baby and toddler in the car I was worried about their safety in the situation. Of course, I have been praying about feeling like sometimes we, as humans, can play it a bit too safe and never let our kids experience the wonders God created. How many great people are out there for us to meet, but we choose to hide in our safe places you know? Granted, this is about a dog...but just go with me here...I was feeling some deep spiritual moments taking place.

Well, it was obvious no one else felt compelled to get out their car on this unusually hot day, so I hauled myself out. I like dogs, but I have been attacked before so I was a bit nervous. One driver yelled out, "just grab it!" Yeah, lady, let me just do that and have a rabid dog eat my hand off. Um, no thanks. Dramatic? Yeah...but what of it? I called to the dog and slowly approached. It just kept going in those tight circles, oblivious to anything around it. Once it was apparent the dog could care less about me, I picked it up and walked it to a grassy area off the road. I thought about driving away, but I couldn't leave that poor thing alone. I tried giving it water...not happening. My heart was breaking. So, I did what any sane person would do. I opened up the rear door of the van (our van dips down in the back trunk area), threw some towels down, and placed the poor pup right on top. We then drove home and placed the dog in a kennel (since there are dogs here that would have eaten it for dinner) and spent some time talking to the dog and bringing it water. Good news, the dog perked up once it was in the shade at our house. We called the local dog shelter who said to go ahead and bring it in. We have heard great things about this dog shelter so we believe the dog either found its owner or has been placed with a new family.

Isn't it funny how God can work in our hearts even in what seems to be a very random way?

Goodbye pup...you will be missed!

Welcome!

So notice anything different? Just like my life...my blog needed some changes. My old one just never felt like me. No matter what I did to it, it just didn't work. I had contemplated doing this for a very long time, but finally felt like it was the right time to JUST DO IT (giving some Nike love there). I transferred all the old posts and comments from The Crain's Nest over, but from now on you will be visiting A Beautiful Surrender.

So, why that name? 

Well, the first name I wanted wasn't available. Seriously. And as I prayed about my blog, this name just felt right. I gave my life to Christ at 4 years old. I've loved Him ever since. However, in the past couple of years, Josh and I have been on quite the journey. We have literally had to surrender every single part of our lives to God. We gave up our house, our cars, our stuff, our personal space. Every time He shows us another area of our lives that we are holding onto for the wrong reasons, we let it go. It isn't always super easy, but it is always the best. And the result? It's always beautiful. I know that may sound crazy, especially if you do not believe in Jesus, but honestly we have never been happier, more content, and closer to Jesus than we are now. Yes, I REALLY want my own place again, I want Josh to have a job that allows him to be home with our family, I would love to have a car so that I can visit friends and do more in ministry, and I would really love to start our adoption process. BUT God will direct us down each of those paths as He leads. So, we continue to surrender. 

My hope is that now that I have a space that reflects me a bit more, I will be able to use my blog as a place for me to be me. To let out my creative side. To do what I love (write). To continue to document my family so that we have a scrapbook of sorts...because we all know I am not a scrapbooker. 

Thanks to those of you that take the time to visit here. To leave me sweet messages. Your words mean so much to me while we are in this phase of life. I generally only get to leave the house on the weekends, so this is just my way of socializing with the outside world. 

Modeling For The Camera

Our good friend, Ashley Mogford, came over and took some photos of Israel back in April. And I am just now posting them. Let's just blame it on having two kids yeah? Also, I really need to get to work on his birth announcements. Who was the brilliant person who decided to make their own birth announcements? Hey, don't look at me...

  

Selfie by Eden

  

There are so many more I could post, but a baby is asking for my attention. That kid loves to squeal and talk and giggle and I just cannot resist it!! 

Also, I love my little family. Like a ridiculous amount.