Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

Who needs words when you have the soft, white backdrop of snow? Okay, who am I kidding. I was never one to win the silent game, not that my parents didn't try that one on me daily. Sorry mom and dad...not even duct tape could keep this yapper shut.

I just want to point out that Eden has her "nuzzle face" while laying in the snow. Apparently she thought the snow would be nutritious? Also, please note that I was attempting a cute mother daughter photo...yeah, you see her face, you can assume how she feels about photos with her mom.

Here is Eden to add one more thing...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

The Birth Story - Part II

We just wanted to say thank you so much for all of your encouraging words on our new venture of me being a stay at home working mom with Josh! We know it will be an adventure, with lots of bumps along the way, but so very worth it in the end. 

 ***********************************

The continuation of the birth story. If you missed Part I, here it is. 

It had been an hour and a half since I had given birth to the most beautiful baby girl I had ever laid eyes on. The nurses were getting ready to move us up to the mother baby unit where we would be able to have our families come in and meet Eden for the first time. Our bags were packed and the wheelchair was ready for me.

Disclaimer: This photo was taken 3 days after delivery once the swelling had finally gone down and I was able to dress myself

Josh held Eden as they took me in to the bathroom. They wanted me to be able to use the potty before taking me upstairs. I was so determined to make it happen that I promised them I wouldn’t leave until I had done my job (the other option was a catheter which I said NO WAY to). Anyway my determination and a few prayers paid off and I was so excited when I told my nurse that I peed. Seriously it was like the “Hallelujah Chorus” came over the loud speakers…who knew going pee would be such a momentous event. My very wonderful nurse (she really was a rockstar) helped me stand up and right then I felt like something was amiss. The room was going black. I couldn’t shake the sinking feeling that was taking over every inch of my body. Each limb felt so heavy. I looked up at my nurse and with every bit of strength that I had left in me I told her I didn’t think I was going to make it. She knew what that meant and thankfully was ready when my body went limp and fell fast towards the floor. 

From there I only remember snippets of what happened. Josh told me that the nurse had him press a red button (apparently it signals an emergency) and five nurses came rushing in. I was dragged back into bed where they pumped me full of fluids. At this point I remember seeing shadows and saying how badly my IV site hurt (it had been ripped out while they rushed me back into the bed). I think one of the nurses apologized, but I don’t remember. Josh had no idea what was happening. He sat there, a brand new father, watching his wife be drug into a hospital bed, appearing lifeless. He says that I let out a very deep moan and that is when he knew something wasn’t right. It is so strange to tell a story that happened to me, but that I do not really remember.   

At one point I remember starting to wake up and having a panic attack as I remembered that I had just given birth to our baby and had no idea where she was or what happened to her. My eyes darted around the room until they settled on Josh. I really truly thought that I heard her crying and with fear in my eyes I asked if our baby was okay. Of course she was just fine. She was in her daddy’s arms. I hated not really remembering what my baby looked like and not being able to see her or feel her. It was at this point that I was so thankful for Josh and I knew he would take good care of our brand new daughter since I was unable to provide any care for her. 

 

That was really painful for me, admitting that I was unable to take care of my own baby. Me. Her mom. The one that had carried her for the past 9 months. I was supposed to be the one person that was nursing her for the first time and cradling her in my arms. Although I have moments of sadness looking back on that time, I still have a smile on my face knowing that Eden had such special moments with her daddy, ones that she may not have had if I had been awake. 

After much time had passed and I was semi-coherent I finally found out that my blood levels were dangerously low.

:::Avert your eyes if you are squeamish for just a moment::: 

After Eden was born and the doctor was delivering the placenta he had discovered that it had broken apart quite a bit. The process actually took a LOOOONG time and became extremely painful. It was imperative that he get every piece so that meant a long, painstaking process. Because of this, I lost more blood than my body could handle. In fact, it was actually recommended that I get a blood transfusion, but at this point I was just feeling much too weak to go through yet another procedure so I chose bedrest and iron pills for 2 weeks. Thankfully that worked, it just made my recovery MUCH longer. 

:::Okay squeamish people, you can come back now:::

 Many hours later I had finally been moved to the mother baby unit. I could hardly even hold my head up, but thankfully the trip to the room that I would occupy for the duration of my stay wasn’t too far. The nurses settled me into the bed and I was given strict instructions to only get up when a nurse was present. Let me tell you, trips to the potty were quite ridiculous. I would have to call in a nurse, and then spend the next 5 minutes adjusting my body to sitting upright. Then with supports on both arms, I would make the 5 foot trek to the bathroom. Walking that 5 feet felt like it took an eternity. 

Honestly, during my stay I was truly blessed by some fabulous nurses. The nurse that was in my room when I arrived in the mother baby unit was amazing. She had such a sweet disposition and did everything she could to make me feel more comfortable. She took fabulous care of Eden and taught Josh everything he needed to know to ensure that Eden was well cared for throughout our stay. 

At this point we still were unable to bring in our family since I was still too weak so they ended up going home for the night, never getting to meet the newest addition to the family. That was heartbreaking for me. I had dreamt of the moment that we could present our baby to all of her relatives. 

Around 1 a.m. Eden finally got her first bath. I had been propped up in bed to watch, but my skin quickly turned yellow and my whole body began swelling so I was quickly laid down and the only way I could see any part of Eden’s first bath was from pictures that Josh took. Another disappointment.

At this point I still had been unsuccessful in feeding Eden. Our fabulous nurse knew I was upset knowing that my baby had not yet latched and she spent the next half hour helping me feed her. It was so hard. I was too weak to really know what I was doing and Eden just had no interest. We ended up leaving the hospital with Eden never latching. And yet another disappointment. 

With all of the regrets and disappointments, there were so many more blessings. Nothing went as I had planned after she was born, and yet I still ended up with a baby who was healthy and safe. I may have gone through a lot, but in the whole scheme of things it was not really that big of a deal. It was not fun to go through, but I am alive and although recovery was long, I am much stronger because of it. I don’t want to look back on Eden’s birth as a time of sadness. Having her here made every moment worth it. Our pictures didn’t turn out well, we took very few photos during our stay, our families had to wait an extra day to meet our baby, we didn’t get to toast her birth with sparkling cider like we planned…but none of that matters. We have our baby. I don’t know if we will ever have another baby of our own (we hope to adopt someday), but I am so happy that God blessed us with this pregnancy. We went from believing I couldn’t get pregnant to having a baby girl in our arms. God is good. That is what we know after this whole experience. I am one lucky lady and in that I can rejoice.

Meeting Grandma and Grandpa Phillips

Meeting Grandma and Grandpa Crain

Meeting Aunt "Nae"

Leaving the hospital

Home at last

Thank you all for joining us on this journey. Thank you for your patience as it took me awhile to feel good enough to write this story. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Wow, I am really in the Thanksgiving spirit right now.

2 Months

It is so crazy to type 2 months as my title. I knew Eden would grow up, but no matter how many people warned me how fast it goes...I still wasn't prepared. She is changing so much and is really growing up. We have been having so much fun with her and it is going to be rather difficult to leave her when I start back at work for 6 weeks. We are still feeling so blessed to have me stay at home with her once that time is over though. Our family is definitely making some changes to make that happen and I am sure I will touch on those one of these days. For now, I just want to focus on my baby girl!

9 Week Stats

Length: 22 inches ~ 35th percentile
Weight: 9 lbs. 6.5 oz ~ 15th percentile
Head: 38 cm. ~ 32nd percentile


We were SHOCKED by how much weight she had gained. I think Josh and I both had grown used to hearing that she wasn't gaining enough weight. Every time we saw the pediatrician (which was basically every other day the first couple of weeks) I just felt more like I was failing as a mom since it seemed that they were saying that I couldn't provide my child the nutrition she needed. I know that is not what was said, but I have grown even more sensitive as a new mom. I hear it happens to the best of us. Anyway, we moved Eden out of newborn diapers and into size 1 and I had to carry her newborn clothes to storage and brought out her 0-3 month clothing. I was in mourning for an hour because I no longer had a newborn...but I got over it quick because 2 month olds are just as fun!

Eden, here is what you have been up to lately:

You hold your head up so well
You love to push up on your legs and stand (with our assistance of course)
You always like to sit up because you love to be involved in everything
You are one happy baby
You smile when mommy comes to pick you up from your crib
You have always been a good sleeper, but decided you didn't want to sleep through the night anymore
You LOVE your sister even when she licks your face too much
You think its fun to hit the bird rattle on your play mat
You still wake up every time Pastor Tim goes up to speak at church
You are quite a talker and have endless conversations with anyone who will listen
You instantly clam up whenever mommy tries to take a picture of your smile

Here are some photos that the mamarazzi (that's me) took over the last few weeks:

Sleeping on Grandma Crain

 

Sleeping on daddy's side of the bed

Spending time with Isla and Kylie

Celebrating mommy's 26th birthday

Modeling for mommy and her new present - a 50mm lens

Hi dad!

Loving my outfit from Tina

Well, thanks for joining us to celebrate Eden's 2 month birthday! Tomorrow I will continue with Part 2 of the birth story...please don't be a hater because I left you hanging. I enjoy suspense. Get used to it ya hear?

The Birth Story - Part I

*The long awaited birth story is here...but only the first part, so don't be too disappointed. I really think I kept it pretty PG because honestly the experience wasn't bad at all, but feel free to ignore this post if needed*

September 16, 2010

Thursday night we went to bed knowing that the next day would be our last before our induction. As you may remember, we were scheduled to be induced Saturday. We had lots of plans for Friday…mostly just trying to get as much done as we could before Eden’s big arrival. The doctor had felt positive I wouldn’t go into labor early since my body hadn’t really had much progress. We definitely felt like there was no chance we would have a baby before our scheduled induction. All I can say is HA HA HA. Oh and as a reminder, here is what I looked like:

39 Weeks

September 17, 2010

Friday at 3:30 a.m. I woke up feeling a bit wet. Pretty much the second I woke up I knew exactly what had happened, but I also didn’t want to be wrong and find out that I had just peed myself during the night. Oh and for those of you who know that I am kind of crazy about cleanliness, I will reassure you that we did have a waterproof pad on the bed, however it wasn’t needed because thankfully the large gush of fluid that you see on movies didn’t happen…well at least not yet. 

I ran into the bathroom to get a better idea of what was going on. I still wasn’t 100% confident that my water broke and I really didn’t want to be the laughing stock of labor and delivery that early in the morning. I stood up with the plan to walk around and watch t.v. until I could feel certain as to what was happening to my body. Yeah, that never happened because the second I stood up I did have that gush and it was enough to prompt me to yell for Josh. One thing you need to know about Josh is he can sleep through anything. The fact that our bathroom is five steps away  from our bedroom doesn’t matter, he slept right through my shouts. I waddled to the room and shouted at him a couple more times until he finally looked at me with wide eyes as I said, “MY WATER BROKE!” Funny thing is I was completely calm about the whole thing while Josh was jumping out of bed and ready to throw me in the car, wet clothes and all, and rush straight to the hospital. Instead, I clearly stated my intent, “Babe, I am not having contractions yet so it could be a million hours before I even have her. My plan is to take a shower, get ready, and eat some breakfast. I would say we will be out of here at 5 a.m. Why don’t you follow my lead and do the same…it might be awhile before we see another shower or meal.” I think I was able to play it so cool because we were already so prepared for Eden’s arrival. 

Sure enough at 5 a.m. we were pulling into the hospital (which is conveniently located just down the street from our house). There was no need to have Josh wheel me up in the wheel chair, I was still feeling quite great so we walked ourselves from the parking garage into the family birth center. We started the check-in process where the receptionist could not figure out why I was smiling and not doubled over in pain. I assured her I was in labor, just not feeling anything yet. 

We were brought into a triage room where it was confirmed that my water had definitely broken, however my body still had yet to make any progress. Not what we wanted to hear. The doctor came in and said we could start pitocin immediately to get things moving, however I was so determined to let my body do its thing…especially since my water broke on its own, that we declined. The deal was made that at 9:30 a.m. I would have to start pitocin if no progress had been made in order to protect the baby from infection. I was a-okay with that plan. 

We were moved into our birthing suite where they took vitals and did all the fun stuff and then we pretty much just relaxed. I definitely was getting mighty hungry so the nurse brought me some jello (WAY better stuff than the Jello in the store) and some really good orange popsicles that brought me back to my childhood. Okay, maybe I was just so hungry and anxious that anything they put in my mouth would taste good, but honestly I loved every bite of jello and every lick of the popsicle. 

Well, 9:30 a.m. came quite quickly and sadly there was no progress. Time for pitocin. I had heard many stories about this stuff and I wish I could confirm how bad it is. The thing is, I never did have contractions of my own, so I have nothing to compare to, but I will say the pain was quite strong and did eventually take its toll on me. I had planned to try to move around a lot during labor, but once I had the pitocin I had to stay in bed (except for quick trips to the potty…which aren’t so quick when you are hooked to machines and having contractions 1 minute apart). I breathed through each contraction (yes, the breathing exercises do work!) and was checked periodically. How was my attitude during this whole shebang? Actually quite pleasant as confirmed by my dear husband…and no I don’t think he is just saying that! At this point I had not had the urge to start yelling at Josh saying, “YOU DID THIS TO ME!” or anything like that. In fact, my biggest request was for absolute silence…and I mean SILENCE. I didn’t even want to listen to the music on my iPhone that I had so diligently added for my labor. I will admit I was no peach though…I definitely had my moments of frustrations so don’t let me make you think I was a perfect angel.

At 5:30 p.m.  I was checked again and FINALLY at 3 centimeters. At this time I begged politely asked to have an epidural. My nurse was great at giving me options, and I had told her I was determined to make it to 3 cm before making a decision. That was VERY tough to do, but I am still happy I did it. I had been convulsing like mad for the past few hours or so which made it much harder to let my body relax and progress as it needed to so Josh and I decided an epidural was becoming necessary. Here was the clincher though…there had been 7 emergency c-sections and 5 scheduled c-sections in the hospital that day. I actually had nurses coming into the room saying that our room was the only place they could get rest…hey we are willing to help as needed! Anyway, with all of the c-sections that were happening that meant no such luck on getting the anesthesiologist in my room for my measly epidural. 

All thanks must be made to my amazing nurse…she found one that pretty much had 1 minute to spare and made it happen. To all of you who have yet to have a baby, epidurals are really pretty painless! I didn’t feel a thing and the only hard part was being held still while my body was convulsing. Oh and also, don’t be surprised if you fall in love with your anesthesiologist. I told him I loved him and that he was my hero more times than I care to admit. I will say that if I hadn’t been given the pitocin I may have made a different decision, but unfortunately my body just didn’t want to have contractions of its own.

An hour after the epidural had been administered I was at 7 cm dilated and I think 80% effaced and then shortly after that all systems were go. Let me stop to say pushing is not what I expected. I guess from watching movies I thought it would be a bit more dramatic than what it was. Really it just starts out with a nurse who has you push until she determines you are ready for the doctor. I kept thinking I would end up having Eden before the doctor even came in the room, but thankfully they are the professionals and knew exactly when it was time. In fact, the exact second that the nurse determines it's time to call in the doctor, all of a sudden they pull out all the stops. I was suddenly surrounded by tables of silver instruments while the doctor "suited up" underneath a gigantic spotlight that was aimed at youknowwhere. 

I was told that I should only have to push for around a half hour because I was making great progress…which would have been wonderful if it actually happened that way. Unfortunately, Eden’s heart rate started to drop with the pitocin and she was stuck on my pubic bone so they quickly cut the pitocin. More unfortunate news was that my body still was not contracting on its own so they had to go ahead and keep the pitocin going, just lowered the amount. At this point I really didn’t remember much…I just remember having to wait 4 minutes in between contractions and then I would push with every single bit of strength I had. Josh says I pushed for an hour and a half (it felt like 10 minutes to me). Just a sidenote, I personally thought pushing a baby out felt a bit alienlike. Maybe its just me, but it kind of creeped me out. Okay, back to the important stuff. 

Eden was born at 8:34 p.m. with a giant conehead from being stuck so long (thankfully they didn’t have to use the vacuum). The moment that she was out was a moment that truly is indescribable. I remember just reaching out with my hands, so desperate to touch the baby that I had inside me for so long. I remember wishing the nurses didn’t take so long to clean her up (I think at most it was 30 seconds) so that she would be on my chest where I knew she would be safe. I remember kissing her nonstop and telling her that I loved her over and over. I remember looking at each body part thinking how amazing she was and that she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I remember Josh and I reflecting on just how incredible our God is for making such a beautiful baby. I really had no idea how powerful that moment really would be. Sadly, that would be one of the last moments I would have with Eden that I could truly remember for the rest of that night because I was about to have a bit of an emergency of my own. 

*Regret #1: Not taking pictures of my time in the hospital. At the time, I was in pain and didn't want to remember a moment of it...but now I wish I had taken photos of the little things. The strip that showed her heart rate, the room, my IV that I carted around for hours....

New Job!

I've got a new job. There, it's official. Most of my friends know what Josh and I do for a living and while we are open about Josh's job on this blog, we choose to keep my job on the dl (down low for those not in the know). Yeah I am so "cool" I use words that teenagers use. Poor Eden, I can already see her saying, "oh mom!" every time I even open up my mouth. I don't like to think that one day she will look at me like I am a psycopath. I choose to believe she is going to love me forever! Don't even say it...

Anyway, back to my job. I still don't feel comfortable talking about my job on here for safety reasons since I am still employed there through January, but I still wanted to announce my new position. As of a week ago, these two became my new bosses...

Aren't they the greatest looking bosses out there (with all due respect to my current manager...you are beautiful too!). Confused yet? Let me explain. See, since I can remember I have desired to be a stay at home mom. In fact it was definitely something Josh and I talked about before we were married because he had also hoped that once we chose to have children that I would get to be with them. Well, once it came down to it, the idea of me staying home just seemed like less of a possiblity. It seemed like such a feasible idea when we were first married, but that was before I had to support us both while Josh did real estate schooling and then started his first years as an agent. Although we both feel like Josh has grown as an agent by leaps and bounds, knowing that we would be living off of commission only was quite a frightening idea. Not only that, but my job has quite generous health benefits so we truly have had an easier life over the past couple of years. Okay, okay I am going off on a rabbit trail with no end in sight. Let me just come right out and say it, I am going to be a stay at home working mom! Not only do I get to hang out with Eden all day, but I will also get to work to help support our family. Now let me explain the working part of my new job.


We thought and prayed long and hard and realized that with a few sacrifices and some serious trust in God, I would be able to become Josh's assistant. The fact is, I go to work doing all of the things that I could be doing for him. I have worked as an assistant and absolutely love it. For me, its the chance to sit and organize all day which excites me to no end (I am really that easy to please). Josh was spending so much time getting himself organized, and doing a lot of secretarial duties that he didn't have as much time for his clients as well as time for family. Now, I get to do all of the administrative duties while he is out doing what he does best...selling houses. I actually started assisting him last week and so far it is going well. Yes, we do realize that we are going to be seeing a lot of each other now that I am working for him, but honestly we wouldn't have it any other way. We have had lots of talks about working together and how we can do it with as little conflict as possible and I truly think it is going to be fun. I will say working from home is not any easier than going out to work in the real world...it is just as busy or busier! Last week I caught myself saying, "Wow. We really need to hire a part-time babysitter!" It is amazing how much work taking care of a baby, a house, and working for Josh really is and yet I still wouldn't have it any other way.

Well, this was a long winded way to say...we are taking a giant leap of faith here and although I had a hard time letting go of that steady paycheck, I know it is what God wanted us to do. We are growing and bonding as a family and it is fun to be able to be involved in Josh's work. I am sure we will update as time passes to let you know how it is going. I will definitely be taking a break from being Josh's assistant when I return to work on December 1. Either way, I am excited to see what else God has in store for our family!

Oh and I have been keeping one bit of decor in our house a secret since we didn't know if I would truly be able to work from home until just recently. Look at my "new" desk (I have actually had it since June).

 

Well, thanks for to those of you who actually stuck around through this entire post! I know its a long one, but I had a lot to say (don't I always). Now off to tend to a baby, clean the house, and add some stuff to Josh's calendar....

Tricks and Treats

Eden's first Halloween completely tired her out...actually it tired all of us out. With all of the activities and excitement of the day she really never got her long naps so she was way off her schedule. With this meant a baby who would not wake up for anything through the night. I usually wake up to feed her at 2 a.m. (doctor's orders) and her and I had been waking up automatically so I stopped using the alarm. Apparently you get us tired enough and we will sleep from 11 p.m. to 6 a.m. without waking at all. Whoops! Anyway, she is continuing her catch up on sleep so I will take this opportunity to post a couple of pictures from her first Halloween.

Brett and Stephanie (Mal's brother and sister-in-law) came down to spend a few hours with Eden since they hadn't seen her for a couple of weeks. They actually were also the ones who gave Eden her first costume. Since the day we told them we were pregnant they informed us that they would be giving our baby a bear suit and the baby would be required to wear it every time they were around. They certainly delivered on that promise. Here she is posing for mommy...

sidenote: please forgive the poor photography. I am forcing myself to learn more about my DSLR and sometimes that means pictures don't turn out the way I want them to. Like the time we took pictures in a dark room and I refused to use my flash...yeah...

That's our little bear. Oh, and might I add that this baby LOVES her bear suit. Honestly, we would put her in it and she would instantly fall asleep. If you have a baby that doesn't sleep well, you need to buy this bear suit. Only bad thing is it is SUPER warm. Like so warm we could fry an egg on her head. Don't worry we didn't fry an egg on her head because I don't like fried eggs we never let her get that warm . Oh and see that cute orange pail in her hand? We found that in the Target dollar section...our favorite score of the season.

Here are a couple photos of Eden's aunt and uncle marveling at her cuteness. She truly is irresistible.

 For trick-or-treating we took her to see her grandma and grandpa Phillips (Mal's parents). She could not eat the candy, but my mom went out and bought her a couple of toys to play with (she is totally one of those grandparents that can't help but spoil the baby). Actually, we all got spoiled...she bought Josh and I some treats too...what a great lady she is! We also went and visited her "aunt" Ruby and "uncle" Daniel. They aren't blood related, but we consider them family nonetheless. I was unable to take photos, but just know she had a fun time!

We also carved a pumpkin for Eden since babies wielding knives is not really an accepted practice around these parts. We chose a mouse. Well, not just any mouse...THE mouse. As in, MICKEY MOUSE. I love that guy. If I could marry him, I would...sorry Minnie, but he's all mine. Josh can take all the credit for the actual carving, the only part I like is yanking out all of the guts. It's my favorite. I purposely take a long time so I can squish the pumpkin guts between my fingers and scrounge for as many pumpkin seeds as possible. It's a sickness, but I live with it.

Want to know a fun factoid about Halloween? Well, this October 31 marked what would have been our 4 year dating anniversary. Yes, Josh and I officially started dating on Halloween. We actually stayed up and watched THREE of the Halloween movies. After that night we were inseparable. I truly love that man...he is my best friend and I am so happy that he was crazy enough to marry me a mere 8 months later.

We hope you all had a great Halloween!! And in the words of the Mickey Mouse Club, "see you real soon!"