Monday, December 7, 2015

Can't Get You Off My Mind

I haven't been the best at updates. I know. Some days it feels easier to not update because I just don't have a lot to say right now. We are SO close to our referral, we can feel it. We were given an approximate timeline for our referral to come, but we also know that timelines are loose, so we just wait patiently (okay some days we are very IMpatient).

In the last couple of months of waiting our girl turned TWO! We had friends there during her birthday and we were told she was very well celebrated. We made rice and beans just like the typical meal of Haiti and decorated and just celebrated her as best as we could. Those days are the hardest. The birthdays. The holidays. You just don't want to spend yet another day 3,000 miles from your child. It just doesn't feel good.

Her birthday gifts
 

But, we know that some day this will be a distant memory. And we really are thankful for these painful days. Because it reminds us how much we truly love her. She isn't growing in my belly the way the other two did, but you can bet that our love is growing SO deeply during this time. As a family we are learning to just cling to one another and pray continually for our baby who is so far away.

I'm finding that instead of burying myself in tasks I need to take a step back and be okay with not doing much of anything. I am having to say no to a lot. Some days are better and some days I am just so overwhelmed. And I am going to admit openly that I was letting fear keep me frozen. The fear kept me from feeling the real pain of having my baby so far away. It kept me from being honest about how scared I was about meeting her because then I would KNOW what she feels like and then I have to leave her. That hurts so much.

I was recently blessed with the opportunity to attend the Called to Love retreat. It is for adoptive/foster mama's. I didn't want to go at first because I didn't want to be vulnerable to my emotions. I wanted to bury them deep. Going there was where I finally allowed myself to admit that I was allowing fear to keep me from feeling. So, it was there that I let it go. I asked God to take it away. And He did. And I hurt. And I cried. But, it has been SO good. He also gave me the greatest gift of getting to hug two amazing women, who are also Haiti mama's, during the conference. One of those sweet mama's brought home two kids from the same orphanage that our daughter is living at. She has SEEN our girl. Those two days were a true treasure. Memories that will be with me for life.

So, for now, we just wait for "the call." We know that the families that were ahead of us got their call and will be heading to meet their little ones SO SOON. So, we remain hopeful that our call is coming. We have been working so hard to raise the rest of the money to bring her home. I've seen God work miracles for our family so many times. He took us from not having a penny to our name to being blessed with more jobs than we can handle (literally. Josh has 4 of them to try to make as much money as we can to get our girl home). We are HALFWAY to fully funded. God just keeps bringing in the money. Many people ask what our next need is, and that is the money for the referral/travel. We have $2,000 more to go. Although some days I start to fret over that money, I truly do believe God will provide it just at the right time. There are times I wish we were already fully funded so we didn't have to worry about it, but maybe this is a gift. It gives us something to focus on in our wait. It makes us rely solely on Him. It requires us to humble ourselves and ask for help.

So, for those that were asking about a way to give that would be tax deductible, we went ahead and set up a Pure Charity fundraiser page. All the money that is donated through that link goes directly to our agency, who will then use the money for our adoption expenses. Each dollar counts. Truly. And we are so thankful to all of the people who have prayed for us. Who have set up fundraisers for us. Who have purchased from our fundraisers. Who have handed us a check just because. We are truly thankful for our village. If you would like to donate, just look to the right of the blog and you'll see our fundraising page...just click on it! THANK YOU!!


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