I've seen the signs for awhile. It started as a gentle whisper and has slowly turned into a very loud yell. I have a very strong tendency towards putting too much on my plate. I am by no means as busy as most people I know. I watch my friends and think "how do they do it all?!" Yet, I have realized that I have my own limit and every time I push myself too hard I break. It happened today (well it's been happening throughout the week). I found myself craving the sweet melodies of worship. I put my headphones in, turned on my favorite worship music radio station, and tuned out. The tears started falling. I couldn't stop them. I fell to the floor in my closet and let the sobs escape my lips. I gave up trying to pretend I was strong. I wanted to be able to do everything and I didn't want to let anyone down. I had so many people counting on me and it turns out by pushing myself and not ever saying no I have now gotten to a point where I am mostly useless. I need to pack for the weekend. I need to clean the house, and yet, I can't move. Literally my limbs were heavy and I couldn't pick myself up off the ground. I don't like feeling this way, especially when I have a sick toddler who needs me. Every time I kick myself for ignoring those gentle whispers, urging me to slow down, to lighten the load I was trying to carry by myself. I didn't listen. On top of all of that it's been a bit of an emotional week for our family. I know I always tell you how I want to be open and honest, but this is just something that needs to be between us for now. I'm sure it'll be shared when the timing is right, but for now I need to process in my own way.
Thanks for letting me pour my heart out on my blog. These Project 52 posts really are therapeutic and so very good for my soul. Each week I learn so much more about myself and my Savior. I feel like I see Him in a new light each day. I am loving growing with Him. I love knowing that even when I am so weary, He is taking on all of my burdens. Now I just need to let Him.
For more Project 52 goodness, check out these fine blogs:
Let me know if you want to join in on the fun! It's never too late to start your Project 52 :)
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